January 6 Stool Pigeon spends CPAC cosplaying in the jail cell he shrieked away from

This year we’re paying limited attention to the Ostrich Fucking Grand Guignol which is the CPAC’s annual convention, because, well, imagine two ostriches fucking. Done? Okay, now imagine two ostriches fucking on a stage in front of thousands of conservatives while Donald Trump Jr. stands to the side sniffing like a jet engine through her cavernous breasts as he complains that the Liberal-Marxist-Black Lives industrial complex Matter wants to erase these patriotic ostriches who just want to fuck in peace because conservatives celebrate every act of sex with ostriches by throwing a transgender person out of a giant catapult into the sun, and the left wants to take away that God-given freedom.

But we can’t get the whole conference through without noticing … whatever the hell this is:


Yes indeed, someone has apparently staged the CPAC version of a halfway carnival with a simulated prison cell and someone wearing an orange jumpsuit and red MAGA hat sitting and crying. This should represent the plight of all the January 6 defendants detained, prior to trial, in the Washington DC prison.

If you’ve been away from the sewer that’s right talk on January 6th, first of all, Mazel tov. If you haven’t, you know of the martyrdom that was granted to the defendants arrested in connection with that day. Supporters of these people have dubbed them jailed freedom fighters, political prisoners, victims of the Biden “regime” and any other overly dramatic dialogue you probably last heard while watching a Costa-Gavras movie marathon on the Criterion Channel.

The fun part, though? (On top of that.) The guy who disguises himself as a prisoner in this CPAC exhibit is a real January 6 defendant named Brandon Straka, founder of the #WalkAway movement. Straka pleaded guilty last September to a single congressional disruption charge and was sentenced to 90 days of house arrest and three years of probation. In exchange for this plea deal, he engaged in what has been termed “substantial cooperation” with prosecutors.

In other words, yes, the guy who plays a January 6 inmate locked up in jail has come out without serving any real-life jail time thanks to his willingness to partner with the federal boots that are allegedly stalking his fellow rioters.

That criminally accused in America are often kept in dire condition for months or years before trial, and for far lesser crimes than sacking the federal government seat while trying to prevent a duly elected president from taking power, is not something that we “have seen recognized by Straka, or the likes of Matt Gaetz and Marjorie Taylor Greene, who have the power to do something to reform the criminal justice system. But this is tough, long and tiring legislative work that doesn’t invite you to rap on camera with Tucker Carlson.

One final note: While Straka is looking for a regional theater award for this political act of performative guerilla warfare, the judge who sentenced him was yelling at his lawyer over remarks the former actor recently made downplaying his actions. January 6:

But Friedrich, who was appointed to the federal bench by former President Trump, became audibly frustrated when she turned to Straka’s recent public comments on both her collaboration and plea bargain.

“To the extent that he is making claims that are inconsistent with what he has told federal agents, he needs to understand that this is absolutely not in his best interest,” Friedrich told Straka’s attorney, Bilal Essayli.

Maybe it won’t be too late for Straka to get some real-world experience after all.

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